"it" just moved
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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