Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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