6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
4 words: hood of his car
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
