lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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