ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
