I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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