I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
