I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
