Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
