I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
