My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
