does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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