the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
