mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
