3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
