Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
