If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
