Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
