I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
