the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
