waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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