I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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