it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
