No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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