pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
