I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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