Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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