I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
