decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
