Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
