i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
