Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
