My liver just broke up with me...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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