I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The struggles of a small town man whore
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
