I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
