cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
