i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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