ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
