Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
