are you still at the devil's house?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
