Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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