What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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