Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
