He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
