He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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