Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
