My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize