I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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