It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
