Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
