Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
