Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
