It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize