real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
