Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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