I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
