she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
