Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You dont lie about slip and slides
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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