is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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