could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
there is glitter all over my balls
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
