i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
