Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
