I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
