I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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