hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
