I want to make a zoo with you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
