her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
