SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
