Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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