I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
