Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
