A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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