My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
