Can i not drive my cunt home
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
