Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
