put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
