so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I cut my penus on the lid.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
