I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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