Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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