Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
