he was CRYING into my vagina
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
